Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
