there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
