how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
May the power of my ass compel you!!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
