Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
