She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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