She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My vagina just clenched in fear
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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