she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
