I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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