wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
