I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
