i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
