Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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