Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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