Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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