Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
