I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
