That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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