i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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