The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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