Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
