i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
