It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
