Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
