she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
