My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
