i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Blood and glitter go together right?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
