I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
