Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
