we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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