GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
