I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Randomize
