She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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