We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
