My friends, they love my intelligence
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
