all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
