Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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