Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
