im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
