No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
