I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
