At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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