he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
