Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
