The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
