okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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