he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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