sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
