Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
