tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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