I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
