my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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