His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
