The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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