Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
