hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
