you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
