I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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