I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
