girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
